What I Know

10/26/2022

Written By: April Mills

When I began to meditate on this week’s devotion and on what to write, I was initially stumped. No verse seemed right, and no passage in the Bible seemed to leap off the pages screaming, “This is the one!”. I began to wonder if I had anything to offer until I heard that small, still voice say: Write about what you know.

I immediately tried to pretend I didn’t hear that voice, and continued to rack my brain for something inspirational and meaningful. Still, the nudge persisted. You see, I don’t want to be vulnerable or transparent with a personal struggle. I would rather keep it all under wraps, slap a “I’m fine” sticker on it and move on.

However, my motivation in participating in writing the MDWK Motivation has always been to help someone. If I can help or encourage just one person, then I count it all joy. If I am to stay true to this, then I must follow the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit.

What do I know about? Well, I know about anxiety. And I know a lot about it. It has been my almost constant, never yielding companion for the past six months. I have always struggled with anxiety on some level, but this summer it took off and became debilitating and overwhelming much of the time.

There were times I didn’t feel I could drive, and going to the store was a real challenge. I struggled to make simple decisions, or to figure out the next step. I couldn’t relax, settle, or enjoy simple things. My mind spun a thousand different ways with a thousand crushing thoughts. Truth is, I felt ill. I felt out of control, and desperate for peace.

I began seeking medical and professional help. If you have been down the medication route, you know it can be a tricky journey to find the right medication and the right dosage. I eventually found the right combination, and I began to feel better. It’s still a process, but things are moving in the right direction.

What I know is that the past six months have been likely the most trying and difficult regarding my mental health that I have experienced. I have often wondered if I was doomed to always feel this way, and if there was an end in sight. My life took on a different look and feeling. At times, it felt foreign to me. My happy go-lucky-self seemed to disappear, and I wondered if I would ever see that girl again.

What I also know is God was and is faithful to minister to me in times of angst. What I know is that He holds me steady, firmly in His grip, until the moment passes. What I know is that in the midst of the worst spell on anxiety, I still could feel my feel on His firm foundation. What I know is my circumstance does not change who He is, what He is capable of, or His plans for my life. It doesn’t change eternity, or what was completed on the Cross so long ago. What I know is His name is above all names, including anxiety.

I began to recite certain Scriptures to myself, weaving them in the fabric of my heart. I began to learn what it was really like to stand on truth when the situation looked dim and hopeless. I pushed myself to believe God’s word over the lies of fear and anxiety. Some moments were easier than others. Some days, it felt like a strenuous physical exercise to stand on His Word and proclaim its truth over my life. I began praying during every anxiety attack, every swirling thought, and every uncertain moment.

This season of life has caused me to become closer to the Lord, and more dependent and more reliant on Him. I realize, even more so now, that nothing is possible without Him. I depend on Him for everything. He is my everything.

One Scripture in particular that really helped me through many anxious moments. 1 Peter 5:7, and it’s the latter part of the verse that hits home for me and made the difference. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Anxiety can be so all consuming and isolating. Knowing you have permission to cast your anxiety upon Him, and that He cares for you? Total game changer.

I don’t know how long this season will last, but this I do know: He will never leave me or forsake me, and I am never alone. God is good, and I will forever proclaim the goodness of the Lord.