Protect Your Peace

8/14/2024

Written By: Christina Gregory

I can’t put my finger on when the shift happened, but sometime in the last few decades we’ve moved from “grin and bear it,” to “protect your peace.” From blind loyalty to boundaries so high, no one can get in. Personally, I love when the world agrees with me. So I completely understand finding comfort in the validation of the world telling you that if someone annoys you, offends you, rubs you the wrong way that you’re within your rights to cut them off. It doesn’t matter if they’re family or long time friends. No one is exempt. 

It begs to be said I am the most sympathetic to the fact that sometimes that’s necessary. Actions have consequences and that might mean losing access to someone. I’m the first to offer counsel that forgiveness and reconciliation are not always a cohesive response. But might I suggest that we’re over exercising our ability to shut people out? Is there a happy medium? A more Christ-like response? 

Maybe you’re thinking “You don’t get it! They bring out the worst in me! They make me behave in a way that’s not Christ-like!” And at that I want to introduce you to my favorite toxic sibling duo in the Bible - Jacob and Esau!  

We meet them in Genesis 25, twins born of Isaac and Rebecca. Their destiny of favoritism and betrayal was first revealed by the Lord to their mother before they were even born. They’re probably best remembered for Jacob dressing himself in the skin of a dead animal to trick their dying and blind father into thinking he was Esau so he could steal his birthright and blessing, resulting in Esau swearing to kill him. If there was ever someone who gets weird family dynamics, someone bringing out the worst in you and loving difficult people, it’s these two!  

It’s such a great story that I encourage you to read, but right now I want to skip ahead to Genesis 33. Time and distance has separated the two brothers. They’ve created their own families and have their own armies. By all earthly accounts, they’re both doing pretty well. Jacob butters his brother up with the ultimate good-to-see-you-again-please-don’t-kill-me basket and it works! It’s hard telling if it was the time, distance or meat that softened Esau’s heart, but he’s actually excited to see Jacob! They hug and cry, and introduce each other to their families! A real full circle moment. 

Esau suggests that they continue on their journey together, but Jacob tells his brother to go on ahead. Maybe it was the fact that Jacob was still fearful of his brother's retaliation. But I like to think that Jacob just knew himself well enough to know that it wasn’t in their best interest. He knew he was on mission for the Lord and that Esau has led Jacob to sin many times. But I think there’s a lesson in this story that can be found in what doesn’t happen.  

While Jacob would have probably preferred it, he stopped avoiding his brother. It was time to face the music. And like we so often do, Jacob had hyped up the situation so much that he was likely sick over it! But Esau offered forgiveness. And I think he would have even without the hefty meat basket! 

There was no recounting of the past. No one was trying to validate their actions or behaviors. There was no trauma dumping. They both knew what happened, there’s no need for a play by play. Instead, they talked about their families and how blessed they had been!  

They didn’t overstay their welcome. Sometimes relationships may not restore to what they once were. But where there was once a fence separating the two brothers, there is now a gate. Offering an opportunity for the two to pass through, while still maintaining a healthy balance of boundaries. Relationships don’t have to be all or nothing. It’s ok for them to just be “sometimes and for just a little while.”  

I think we all have had someone in our life that we have hardened our hearts towards. Maybe it’s a personality conflict, maybe it stems from a simple misunderstanding, or maybe like Jacob they’ve brought out the worst in you. The world tells us to prioritize our “peace” above all else. Above rationale, above forgiveness, above love. But as a Christ follower, I want to remind you that your Peace is a person…not a warm and fuzzy, conflict and irritation free feeling.  

In all moments of frustrations in relationships I am taken back to one of my favorite places in scriptures, Colossians 3:12-14, “Put on then, as God’s chosen one’s, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you might also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” 

This summarizes God’s intentions and care for our earthly relationships that have such a direct effect on the state of our hearts and ultimately, our right standing with Him. Nothing protects our “peace” more.