From This Day Forward

3/2/2022

Written By: Nancy Purtlebaugh

My husband Mike and I didn’t start our relationship in the traditional way a Christian marriage starts. In fact, we didn’t start out living for Christ at all. We met at a bar and moved in together shortly after. In our opinion, it was love at first sight.

I grew up in a Christian home knowing Jesus. Mike didn’t. Sure, he had heard of Him, but didn’t KNOW Him. We forged ahead anyway. We thought we knew the way we wanted our future to go, and that was OUR way.

We were planning our wedding for the next year, and I became pregnant before we were married. Needless to say, plans changed. We moved our wedding up, got married, and we were on our way to happily ever after.

Fast forward a few years and two kids later, and we were still doing things our way. Our way consisted of barely getting by in every area of our lives. A husband who was rarely home working 60-80 hours a week. A wife who was in retail management also working too many hours. What little time was left was focused on the kids-never on each other.

In 2004, our kids were 4 and 7 months old, and we no longer knew one another. What we did know about each other we didn’t like. Mike was angry and overworked, not pleasant to be around. I was depressed and constantly crying, not talking to him at all. I was at my wit's end. I was lost and didn’t know what to do or where to turn.

It was then that I felt that still, small voice beckoning me to come back. Yet, I didn’t. I was ashamed, and honestly not sure why God would want me to come back to Him.

Mike and I were heading into the territory we said we wouldn’t. The one thing we knew we didn’t want-divorce. We said it far too often as we slung hurtful words at each other. I still remember THE FIGHT-the one that felt like the end–but in all reality was THE BEGINNING of where we are now.

It was the fight to end all fights, and I gave Mike an ultimatum. He had one of three choices–

1. I was leaving and taking the kids with me.

2. I would stay and we could go to counseling together.

3. We could start going to church together.

He chose the one I never thought he would, option 3. (He will tell you now the reason he chose the third option was because he didn’t want to be counseled. Right after he makes that statement he is very quick to say that he started going to church and got counseled anyway. God has a sense of humor!!)

From this day forward, we started going to church together as a family. Mike was baptized a few months after that. It took a little while, but we started listening and started making our marriage a priority. Before we started attending church and putting God and our marriage first–it was so easy for me to see the things Mike was doing wrong.

After I started working on my relationship with God, my own shortcomings in our marriage became crystal clear to me. I wanted all the control–control in managing the household, in parenting our boys, and if I’m being honest, control over my husband. I was acting more like a mother than the partner God made me to be. I also had become resentful toward Mike for all the ways he wasn’t there for us. I had the opportunity daily to show him Christ, instead I showed him the worst parts of me.

This was a journey. It took time. We didn’t just snap our fingers and overnight everything changed. We started focusing on God and our family, and eventually we started remembering the reasons we fell in love in the first place.

We started making the choice to love each other daily. We started getting to know each other better. I began to let go of the control over our lives. When I did, that made it easy for Mike to help more around the house and with the kids.

Once we started growing closer to God we allowed Him to change us and breathe new life into our marriage. Mike started planning dates and overnight getaways for us. He still does this to this day. We knew we wanted to keep that original promise to each other–no divorce–but now we wanted so much more. We wanted to be the people God created us to be and to have a marriage that would honor Him.

I write this 18 years after THE FIGHT, and I can honestly say I am so thankful we had that fight. Last weekend we attended a marriage retreat put on by our church. If you had told me on that day 18 years ago we would be there, at that retreat, I’m not sure I would have believed you.

I watched my husband last weekend, in awe of our God. In awe of the work He has done in our lives and the man He has made my husband to be. That man can work a room! He can make everyone feel comfortable by talking about ice cream, food of any sort, coffee, etc. He can also tell everyone how he uses those things to strengthen our marriage. I watched and listened as he told bits and pieces of our story, sharing things that have worked and things that haven’t.

At the marriage retreat there were so many great takeaways given to us by our wonderful leaders-Mark and Gloria Miller, but I want to leave you with a few. The first is: 4 Steps to a Great Marriage

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

1. Overcoming the Old Self

2. Becoming the New Self

3. Deciding to Love One Another (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

4. Becoming a Best Friend for Life (Proverbs 5:18)

I felt encouraged when they shared these 4 steps, because I can say without a doubt that is where we are today. We haven’t always been there. We shouldn’t have made it. But by the grace of God, we did.

We have fought to get there. We used to fight each other–now we fight FOR each other. If you aren’t in this place yet, can I please encourage you to fight for your marriage? Pray for one another and with each other! Find another Christian couple to pray and mentor you! Get Christian counseling, but FIGHT!!

I will leave you with these last few questions that Mark and Gloria challenged us with at the end of the weekend.

“From this day forward what do you want your life and marriage to look/feel like?”

“What changes might each of you make to better show your love for each other and your love for Christ?”

We are a living testimony that Christ can redeem and restore any relationship–no matter what damage has been done!