5 Things That Changed My Marriage
11/23/2022
Written by: Christina Gregory
I’ve had the pleasure of reading “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian alongside some friends the past few weeks. As I read and prayed over my husband, I was reminded of the season where I learned how to love him best. I decided I wanted to have a great marriage and that it wasn’t going to happen by accident. I stopped doing what I had always done and tried something new.
I’ve come up with 5 things that I believe truly pivoted my marriage towards consistency and a sense of completeness that comes from unifying with Christ. I share these in hopes that you’ll be stirred to try something new in your own marriage as well!
1. I kept my head down. Cliche as it may seem, prayer changes things. I have always prayed for my husband. But my prayers changed. I stopped praying for my husband in ways that would benefit me, that he would change for me, that he would do what I said. I started praying that God’s will would prevail over his life, that he would be eagerly obedient to the Lord, that the Lord would convict him where and when He saw fit. Praying for my husband also softened my heart towards him.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us.” 1 John 5:14
2. I surrendered. Not just to God, but to my husband too. We have a word for it that people get really uncomfortable with. Submission. But here’s the thing, I am still opinionated and wordy, I think I know what’s best, and I have this annoying desire to just be understood. The thing that has changed is my delivery. I am gentle and respectful. I can share my thoughts and then leave decisions ultimately in his hands. I have also realized that submitting to my husband translates into trusting and believing that God has dominion over my life. Respectfully, my husband isn’t powerful enough to mess up God’s will!
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
3. I stopped matching moods. I am called to be a godly wife regardless of my husband. Even when he doesn’t deserve it. Even when he’s not being a godly husband. Even when it’s not fair. To withhold kindness, affection and generosity from my husband is counterproductive and it’s a sin against God. My right standing with the Father has nothing to do with my husband. This is the hardest one for me to be consistent with because it really doesn’t seem fair. But there’s nothing fair about grace. It’s the opposite of fair. I try to keep the perspective that I should give my husband the grace I receive, not always from him but from the Father. This is my favorite Scripture about marriage. It relieves me of the pressure of trying to change my husband into what I want him to be. Because God can use just my good conduct to win him over and create something far greater.
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” 1 Peter 3:1-2
4. We’re careful with the company we keep. Everyone knows the phrase “misery loves company,” and gosh, is it ever true. There are few things that people are as cynical about as marriage. It takes one off color comment about a spouse to turn a friendly gathering into a group grievance meeting. Frankly, our friends are not doing that. I’m not saying you can’t talk to your friend about an issue you’re having. But this friend should be someone who can give you sound advice that you’re willing to accept and then set your feet back on holy ground. We are so blessed with so many wonderful friends who love being with their spouses, who speak highly of them regularly, whose conduct is the same with or without their spouse around. It’s the best kind of peer pressure, honestly.
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
5. I make my intentions clear. Sometimes I think we forget who is for us. This world is so self-centered. It feels like everyone is only looking out for themselves. Everyone wants to be right. Everyone wants to be the winner. Everything is a competition. And unfortunately sometimes that wall is even built up at home, out of nothing but self-preservation. I certainly don’t do this enough, but I have looked my husband in the eyes and reminded him that I am for him. I only want him to win. I only want him to succeed. I only want him to be right, even if that means I’m wrong. I believe in him and I support him more than anyone else ever has or ever will.
“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Before I wrap this up, I just want to clarify that this isn’t for wives, the same is all true for husbands. I want to remind those that are married and those who someday will be that we GET to do this. Marriage is a gift from our Creator. Go out-love your spouse today.